Tokyo vs. New York

Did Japan follow me to America, or did I take it with me? The past couple weeks seem to be getting more and more Japanese. A week ago I found a Japanese supermarket, 3o blocks from my house. It was great. I bought kimchee, miso soup mix, curry, and many more delicious items.

Yesterday I had the day off, so I decided to be productive, and go out. I dropped by Kinokuniya, browsed some Japanese books, CD's, magazines, the usual. I then stumbled upon a giant Ayumi promo poster for her new remix album. I begged the sales woman to let me buy it. After about 5 minutes of begging with no luck, I gave up.

After Kinokuniya, I dropped by Book OFF, to search for a Japanese DVD player. There were none, so I just browsed the store. Then on my way to the train station I found another Japanese supermarket. I bought some matcha flavored soba noodles, some nori shio potato chips, and of course, two daifuku to share with my roomie.

I got home, and decide to cook mabo dofu for dinner. I thought I knew what i was doing, so I didn't read the directions and messed up the mabo mix. Then I tried to use some tofu and make miso soup. I forgot the hon dashi, and the miso tasted way too funky to eat. I threw it all away. At least the mabo was edible.

After that I relaxed a bit, sat on my floor, and used my computer. Then some of my Social Eatz boys texted me to go out for karaoke. There was no way I could refuse. So I got all dolled up, Tokyo style, and then headed out. We went to a Karaoke BAR (yes that's right, we sat at a bar...no private room). It was a little strange for me. Karaoke in my mind should never be public. Karaoke should be an intimate experience you share with friends only in a private room.

But hey, I'm in America now. Time to do things America style...right? So I browsed the song list. Naturally I knew almost none of the English songs, and I ask the two Japanese bartenders if there was a Japanese song list. I put in a few Ayu songs, and sang my heart out. The bartenders realized I could speak Japaneses and start speaking Japanese to me for the rest of the night.

When I got home, I stumbled into my bathroom sized apartment, and walked the three steps to my bedroom. Then rolled down my futon, and drifted off to sleep.

Now what's wrong with that story? Hm?

I might as well be back in Japan, no? This has been the dilemma I've been contemplating. There are aspects about America that I love...but aspects about Japan (specifically Tokyo) that I love too. So which ones are more important?

Right now Japan is winning. I've been pining over Tokyo, wishing I could be back there. But there was a reason I left, no? I know that if I really wanted to stay I could have. But I didn't really want to stay there. I felt like it was time to leave.

I didn't feel an ounce of sadness leaving my host families home on that last day. I didn't feel regretful at all taking that train ride to the airport with my TUJ friends. And after I said goodbye to my boy, I knew it was the right decision to leave and work on a new chapter.

Recently though I've gotten lost. I've been second guessing my presence in NYC. Why? One reason - I'm lonely.

NYC is perfect in almost every aspect, except for the one that matters most right now. I have almost no friends. Yes, I'm slowly meeting people, and yes I will have good friends in a few years. But right now things have been a bit tough. I find myself wishing to be back in Tokyo, living with my host family, biking down to Ogikubo, sharing the insanity of ni-chome nights, doing all the things that felt comfortable yet fun.

I suppose right there is why I left though. Things felt too comfortable, and I wasn't feeling challenged. Maybe I'm just attracted to instability. Maybe I need something to be off in my life to feel like I'm making progress. Does that make sense?

Either way...the aspect of my life that is off right now is the lack of friends. That's why I've been missing Tokyo so much these past few weeks. And perhaps that's why I've been bringing Japan to me here.

I'm not giving up on NY. It's a bit lonely here, but I'm going to give it at least a year before I make any big move. Japan was lonely at first too, and look at how that turned out. I owe it to myself to give NY a chance. And if that means living a little Japanese-like at the moment, then so be it.